How To Start Having G-Spot & Cervical Orgasms

Do you want to have G-spot or cervical orgasms, but don't know how to get there? This episode is for you! 

Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome to Sex Help for Smart People. I'm your host, Dr. Laura Jurgens, former science professor turned somatic sexologist and intimacy coach. This podcast is all about helping smart women over 40 and their partners of all genders get the evidence based relationship and intimacy support you need for great sex and connections.

[00:00:19] I'm glad you're here, so let's get at it. Hey everyone, welcome to episode 39. So today we are talking about bringing new ways to orgasm online for people with vulvas. If you have not had G spot or cervical orgasms, this is for you, or if you are a partner of somebody who has a vulva and you might like to try playing with these new kinds of ways to stimulate your partner.

[00:00:49] So here's the deal. It's really important. to figure out where the desire for new kinds of orgasms is coming from and not to minimize the orgasms that you already have. If you are somebody who already has orgasms, literally, they are awesome, wonderful, good for you, so glad you're orgasmic, and that is just a very, very common, dominant way for most women to have orgasms.

[00:01:20] So about 70 percent of women really exclusively have clitoral orgasms according to most of the statistics. We don't know what the capacity is for those people to also experience other kinds of orgasms, but we do know that it's going to tend to be, even if they can bring online some other orgasms, it's going to take some effort and it's probably never going to be the dominant way you orgasm.

[00:01:47] If you are a generally clitoral focused person. Orgasmer. So, this can, this can, The desire to experience different types of pleasure is wonderful, and you can want to do that from, because you just want novelty, right? You want to increase your pleasure, you want to increase your options, expand your menu, you have curiosity.

[00:02:12] Those are wonderful reasons. If, however, the desire to orgasm differently is coming from some sort of performance pressure, like you need to, you know, only orgasm internally somehow in order for your partner to feel validated. Nope, not going to work. And also just like, yeah, let's examine that. Let's unpack that before we move forward.

[00:02:39] If you're trying to protect your partner's feelings, avoid them feeling disappointed it's just not going to be very helpful. It, body doesn't respond well doesn't respond well to performance pressure. Whether, whatever kind of genitalia you have, performance pressure is always going to challenge, create more challenges and less pleasure.

[00:03:04] So it's really important to get a handle on where the desires are coming from and see if you can shift into curiosity for yourself if you really want that. Now look, some people are trying to get g spot or cervical orgasms online because they want to squirt in order to make their partner happy. So just be aware that not only is that whole in order to make my partner happy instead of in order to have my own pleasure part going to get in your way and be somewhat problematic.

[00:03:33] But Also, you're not necessarily going to squirt with G Squat, G Spot, G Squat, I said. That's hilarious. I don't even know what that is. G Spot and cervical orgasms, you're not necessarily going to squirt. You might, you might, and more power to you if you do. Just be sure to have whatever handy you want in order to clean that up because sometimes it can be a lot.

[00:03:57] So you might want a squirt blanket or a towel underneath you. But let's just dive in, so let's assume that you are coming to this out of curiosity for your own pleasure and not out of pressure, and you are just excited about trying out some of these new orgasms that you have heard about but have maybe not experienced.

[00:04:17] So the key thing for bringing new ways of orgasming online, if you're a person with a vulva, is to really be patient. We're talking about This is like a butterfly garden. We need to plant the flowers, we need to tend them lovingly, we need to watch them grow, and maybe one day, if we are nice and patient, a butterfly will come to our garden.

[00:04:43] But we can't get a butterfly to come to our garden if we just run around chasing all the butterflies. Right? They're just going to flap away. And they're not going to come to our garden. So we have to just tend to the garden and make it delicious and wonderful and be patient. And that is the same thing with these types of orgasms.

[00:04:59] What essentially is going to happen is you're going to need to stimulate the areas regularly enough and to find the pleasure connection, to kind of create the pleasure connection. It's this isn't like a, okay, I found my G spot. I'm just going to like. work it really hard and expect I'm going to have an orgasm the first time.

[00:05:22] It's actually more of a cultivation. You want to find the G spot or the cervix and start kind of waking it up. And as you wake it up, it starts potentially feeling nice and that might grow over time, maybe not the first time, might just feel kind of weird the first time, but what you want to do is you want to come back to it with a little bit of pleasure each time and only stay there as long as it feels nice and neutral is okay.

[00:05:51] Like if it just feels kind of neutral, you can stay with that too. What I really recommend is using some handy tools, taking this very slow garden cultivation approach and Also, getting your clit involved so that your body is making a connection. The nerves are making a connection like, Oh, hey, this is a pleasure time.

[00:06:16] This is a place that could be woken up to pleasure. My clitoris is also kind of involved. So it's letting my body know that we're, that's what we're going for. But what we want to do is like a really gentle clitoral involvement. So here's what you do. Let's say you're going for. getting your g spot online to be a pleasurable place.

[00:06:40] What you want to do is you want to get a curved dildo and this is oftentimes best done by yourself first rather than having a partner with you because there could just be a lot more You're going to be focused on them, you're going to be trying to make sure they're doing it right, blah de blah de blah, they could be sensitive about doing it right, all this stuff while you're trying to just like wake up this part of your body.

[00:07:03] So it's a lot easier if you just do it through self pleasure. So I'm going to walk you through it in the self pleasuring version, and then I'll give you a couple tips if you want to bring your partner in. Okay, so let's say you're going to start with the g spot. You want to get a curved dildo of a size that you enjoy, But make sure it's got a nice curve on it because you're going to need that curve to be pointed towards the front of your body.

[00:07:30] So the G spot slash A spot is really the urethral sponge and it is if you stick a finger in your vagina and you move it. Like, towards the front of your body, it's really going to start about one knuckle in and go, and you're going to start feeling kind of a spongy tissue. I want you to like figure out where your G spot is first, right?

[00:07:57] So you want to feel this spongy tissue, the lower side of it, the part that's closest to your vaginal opening is typically called the G spot. And then if you move towards the back of that urethral sponge, that's the A spot. People, you can use whatever terminology you want. None of this is official. And I mean, frankly, the G spot was named after some dude who created it.

[00:08:18] said that he discovered it, which is hilarious because I'm sure very, very many women had discovered it a very, very long time ago, for millennia, because we've had this for a long time. So you can call it whatever you want. The urethral sponge, whichever part of it you like the best. And you're going to explore what part of it you like the best, but it's that whole sort of spongy tissue towards the front in your vagina, towards the front of your body.

[00:08:48] It may just feel kind of weird at first when you touch it. It may not feel like much, it may be kind of numb. All of that is totally okay. What you're going to want to do when you are self pleasuring is Don't start cold. Make sure you've like aroused yourself. Make sure you're running some nice fantasies if that feels good to you, or having nice imaginings, or reading some erotica, or listening to some audio porn.

[00:09:12] Whatever it is that floats your particular boat. Doing whatever nice touches on your vulva that you really like. Maybe a little bit of light. Not super hard, but like light clitoral stimulation. What you don't want to do is get yourself super close to clitoral orgasm and then get kind of frustrated, right?

[00:09:33] When you start touching something that is not as responsive. But you can do some nice light clitoral stimulation so you have some arousal. When your body feels like it is ready for some insertion, use some glue and your nice curved dildo and just start gently massaging that spongy tissue. And If you can, and you're coordinated enough, it's nice if you can keep like a light finger on your clit, just to kind of remind your body that this is about pleasure, and to kind of connect the G spot with your, your existing pleasure circuitry, right?

[00:10:16] So you're just going to want to like gently. rub that urethral sponge tissue. You can either use kind of like an in and out motion if you like that. You can use whatever kind of motion feels good to you. Kind of a forward and back if you like that. Just see what feels nice. And you're going to want to just do that periodically while you're self pleasuring regularly until it starts feeling particularly good.

[00:10:45] So what happens is your, if your G spot doesn't feel great right away, as long as there's not pain, and if there's pain, you know, stop and maybe go see a pelvic floor PT or figure out, or a doctor figure out what's going on with the pain. But as long as there's not pain, you're properly lubed and you're aroused, even if it just feels sort of neutral or like fine or kind of weird.

[00:11:09] That's okay. Just stick with it. Do it for about, you know, five minutes or something like that once a week for a little while and see if after several weeks, It doesn't start feeling more pleasurable. The idea is to start connecting the pleasure circuitry. Now look, any sort of stimulation inside the vagina is actually going to be stimulating your clitoris.

[00:11:33] It's just stimulating the internal part of your clitoris, which is a big part of your clitoris. Most of it, in fact. Clitoris is like an iceberg. You're only seeing the tip at the tip of the iceberg at the top what we would normally consider, you know, under that clitoral hood what we'd normally consider the clitoris.

[00:11:52] So there is a bunch of internal structure and that is what you're stimulating through the urethral sponge. It's just a different part of the clitoris. So what you want to do is just take your time, make sure you wait until you're ready, And then give it a little while. Don't expect it to come online right away.

[00:12:11] But typically what will happen if you are a already a clitorally dominant orgasm person is you will maybe be able to have what's called a combined orgasm where your G spot and your clitoris are involved at the same time. It's sort of like a more of your clitoris is being stimulated and it tends to make your orgasm stronger and you may or may not have a squirt at that point.

[00:12:38] The same thing is true with your cervix. So your cervix is going to be farther in And if you can, if you have long enough fingers and a short enough vagina, you will feel it if you put your finger all the way into your vagina and really try to get all the way back there. All the way at the very back, there's something that feels kind of like a nose with a hole in the center, like almost like a tiny, tiny donut.

[00:13:03] And that is your cervix. It tends to be pretty far back there, so it is hard to reach. for most partners with fingers or a penis unless they have a pretty long penis. So what you're going to want to do for yourself is to have a nice long ish dildo that is long enough to reach your penis. cervix. And you can also do a wand.

[00:13:35] There's these sort of like, I have a glass one. They're pretty nice. But there's different kinds. There's some nice longer wands. They can tend to be a little bit thin and you may not like that sensation. So just use whatever feels good to you. Just make sure it's long enough to actually reach your cervix.

[00:13:52] Your cervix and be aware that as you become more and more aroused, your vagina is actually going to extend and be longer. And so it's going to actually take even more distance to reach your cervix. So what you want to do to stimulate the cervix is just a very gentle motion on that little nub. And if it is a finger that you're using or a partner's finger, you can sometimes go sort of.

[00:14:20] in between the cervix and the vaginal wall, which is that sort of moat around that little nose donut, or just sort of around the nose itself, right? The cervix itself. When you use for yourself, if you use a wand or a long dildo, Just make sure to follow the same instructions as the g spot. Wait until your body is really ready for insertion.

[00:14:47] Don't rush that. If you do that, you are, if you rush it, any sort of insertion rushing on your body is automatically going to shut things down. Right? So you need to really listen to your body. Think of this as practice, honoring what your body's wishes are. Wait until you're aroused enough that you actually want something inside there, and then see if you can just be patient with whatever that weird feeling is at first.

[00:15:17] It's not easy. likely going to feel amazing at first. It's just going to feel kind of strange, maybe a little bit numb. We need to take the time to wake up those tissues to pleasure in the same way. So if you can do a little bit of light clitoral stimulation and practice waking up the cervix. In my experience, the cervix usually takes a little bit longer than the G spot and some of us have had cervical trauma.

[00:15:45] If you've had an IUD put in, if you had pregnancy complications or just pregnancy in general, or if you've had somebody with a long penis, like kind of poking it in really weird ways, or if you've had any sexual assault, you can have cervical trauma and that can be a complication in waking this up. So if that's going on for you, either reach out for some help or you know, really consider being very, very patient with your tissues and really loving the patient.

[00:16:17] with them to help them kind of release any numbness. If there's pain, again, please see a doctor or pelvic floor physical therapist. But as long as it's just sort of like kind of a weird feeling, that's totally normal. And it just takes a little while, again, it's that garden, butterfly garden cultivation, right?

[00:16:39] It's not going to be a cervical orgasm the first time you do this. It's probably going to take quite a while of just practicing and bringing those nerve endings into the pleasure system and online for you. Now, if you're somebody who already has cervical orgasms. Awesome. Congratulations. Lovely. You may want to try things like blended orgasms, working them with your clitoris or or having anal stimulation to also enhance your orgasm.

[00:17:11] There's all kinds of ways to continue enhancing and kind of combining different stimulation in your pelvis so that you have kind of the biggest possible pleasure that's available to you. At least, you know, periodically that can be really fun. Yeah. Awesome. Okay, so when you're ready to get a partner involved, I recommend waiting until you really feel like there's a lot of pleasure happening in these spots for you on your own, and letting them know that it's not necessarily, like we're not going for a goal here.

[00:17:44] There is, needs to be no agenda, needs to be a lot of time given and just exploring and kind of mapping the pleasure and just making sure that they don't have any expectations for you, that they're going to be putting on your performance and that you don't have any expectations for you, that this is just play time and you're going to see how it goes and then invite them to be really patient and enjoy the whole process.

[00:18:11] That is really important for also making sure your partner doesn't chase away those butterflies, right? Okay. So when you have all that stuff online, some nice things that can be available to you are internal stimulation while your partner is doing oral, for example, on your clit, if you can have help them you know, understand maybe two fingers is oftentimes nice, or one, or three, or whatever you want on your G spot.

[00:18:40] Make sure they know where that is and you can guide them to that. Or using a dildo with you while they're going down on you can be really nice. There's all kinds of things that you can then add into your repertoire when you have these other other sensations online. And don't expect it to always result in an orgasm, and in fact a lot of times it won't.

[00:18:59] But it can be really great for play and just bring lots and lots of pleasure regardless of whether you have an orgasm or not. And you know, I don't want to leave out some really wonderful types of orgasms since we're talking about expanding our repertoire. You know, some people have orgasms from nipple stimulation alone.

[00:19:18] Some people have orgasms from just like really deep intense breathing or You know, just lots and lots of, I mean, I've met people with orgasms from this feeling of sunlight on their skin. So let's just normalize all kinds of different ways that the body can kind of reach these like shuddering peaks of ecstasy, right?

[00:19:42] And give yourself the patience and the time to really explore pleasure and cultivate it in your body and in your life. All right, my friends. I hope that has been helpful for you. If you have any questions, as always, you know, reach out to me. I am here to help and I'll see you next time. Hey, if you're curious about how you could have better sex and connections, go grab my free guide, Find Your Secret Turn Ons.

[00:20:11] It's right on my website, www.laurajurgens.com and the link is in the show notes. I'll see you here next time.